Posts
Thursday, December 31, 2009
On the Edge Peeking Over
Saturday, December 26, 2009
The Original AVATAR
My family and I went to see the much-hyped James Cameron movie "Avatar." It was beautiful, and contained many not-so-subtle moral lessons. I am second to none in my realization that sometimes nations and men are blinded by their purpose and stomp all over anyone who gets in their way. It is tragic and un-Christian. However, to continually beat ourselves over the head with the perceived guilt of our forbears serves little purpose. That is also un-Christian. Jesus, the original Avatar, taught us to forgive others and ourselves. We cannot go forward with any real integrity unless we are able to leave the past in the past. What has been done cannot be changed with any number of belated apologies or entitlements.
Jesus came to Earth to free us from this kind of insidious manipulation by the enemy. Satan wants us to remain captive to our insecurity, greed, lust and fear. If we can look at our mistakes and sins without rationalizing, and without self-flagellation, then give them to the One Who has already cast them into the sea of forgetfulness, we can finally learn to walk free like He did.
The God Who was and is and is to come, poured Himself into His creation. He designed this beautiful world with us in mind. He could have made it any way He pleased, but He made it to please us. He gave us senses and emotions to truly enjoy the works of His hands. Like a lover who wants to give everything He is to the one He loves, God waits to see your reaction. Will you acknowledge His love and sacrifice? When it became clear that we would tend to get caught up in ourselves and wander from His beautiful plan for us, He, Himself, came down in the form of one of us. Like the avatars in the movie, He wanted to experience life the way we do. He wanted to relate to us and have us relate to Him. It's easier to understand Him as Jesus, the man, because we are human. We have never been omnipotent gods, and could not always grasp what He wanted us to know. He came in human form to get closer to us, and allow us to get closer to Him. What a great God we have.
Jesus came to Earth to free us from this kind of insidious manipulation by the enemy. Satan wants us to remain captive to our insecurity, greed, lust and fear. If we can look at our mistakes and sins without rationalizing, and without self-flagellation, then give them to the One Who has already cast them into the sea of forgetfulness, we can finally learn to walk free like He did.
The God Who was and is and is to come, poured Himself into His creation. He designed this beautiful world with us in mind. He could have made it any way He pleased, but He made it to please us. He gave us senses and emotions to truly enjoy the works of His hands. Like a lover who wants to give everything He is to the one He loves, God waits to see your reaction. Will you acknowledge His love and sacrifice? When it became clear that we would tend to get caught up in ourselves and wander from His beautiful plan for us, He, Himself, came down in the form of one of us. Like the avatars in the movie, He wanted to experience life the way we do. He wanted to relate to us and have us relate to Him. It's easier to understand Him as Jesus, the man, because we are human. We have never been omnipotent gods, and could not always grasp what He wanted us to know. He came in human form to get closer to us, and allow us to get closer to Him. What a great God we have.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The Evils of Procrastination: or The Story of My Life
I cannot tell a lie. I am a procrastinator extraordinaire. Ask my husband. Heck, ask Mama. It's one of my besetting sins. I have known for a while that I sabotage myself in a lot of sneaky little ways. Procrastination is one of them. If I can't do something perfectly, or I'm afraid I can't do it well, I just put it off until it is a non-issue or until I can further hate myself over the whole thing. My therapist and I have talked at length about my self-loathing. I feel like I have to show everybody just how flawed I am, even myself. I thought I was out on a limb with this weird behavior until I read this post from a FlyLady fan. It helped me realize how destructive my procrastination has been to me and those I love. It keeps me at arms length from everyone because I am always either having to finish up what should have already been done, letting them down because I didn't keep a promise, or making me hide because I didn't measure up...AGAIN.
The Lord is my life and my salvation. Whom then shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid?
I am not afraid to share these feelings with you, readers, because I believe I am not alone in this self-loathing. I believe it is becoming more and more part of the human condition. As we see people debase themselves on TV just for money or fame; as we hear of people doing horrible demeaning things to their own children who trusted them; as we get closer to being animals and farther away from being God's children we take this horror into ourselves even when we are not the perpetrators. Pray with me that we can see ourselves as the Lord sees us...covered in His Son's blood and beautiful. We are beloved children for whom He created an entire world of wonder. He loves us so much and wants us to love Him back. But how can we when we feel failed and unlovable? Whole websites are devoted to watching people fail and hurt themselves (failblog.com). Whole websites are devoted to mocking and ridiculing people caught in embarrassing moments when maybe they felt down on themselves and didn't bother to dress up to go to the store (peopleofwalmart.com). Granted, some of those people really should have looked in a mirror, but still... This constant stream of tearing one another down only tears us down as well. Let's reach for something higher. Let's follow Abraham Lincoln's motto, "If you look for the good in people, you will find it." In doing so, we can find the good in ourselves and see what it is that God loves us for.
The Lord is my life and my salvation. Whom then shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid?
I am not afraid to share these feelings with you, readers, because I believe I am not alone in this self-loathing. I believe it is becoming more and more part of the human condition. As we see people debase themselves on TV just for money or fame; as we hear of people doing horrible demeaning things to their own children who trusted them; as we get closer to being animals and farther away from being God's children we take this horror into ourselves even when we are not the perpetrators. Pray with me that we can see ourselves as the Lord sees us...covered in His Son's blood and beautiful. We are beloved children for whom He created an entire world of wonder. He loves us so much and wants us to love Him back. But how can we when we feel failed and unlovable? Whole websites are devoted to watching people fail and hurt themselves (failblog.com). Whole websites are devoted to mocking and ridiculing people caught in embarrassing moments when maybe they felt down on themselves and didn't bother to dress up to go to the store (peopleofwalmart.com). Granted, some of those people really should have looked in a mirror, but still... This constant stream of tearing one another down only tears us down as well. Let's reach for something higher. Let's follow Abraham Lincoln's motto, "If you look for the good in people, you will find it." In doing so, we can find the good in ourselves and see what it is that God loves us for.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
A Little Less of Me
Hello everybody! I have not been a perfect angel with my eating and exercise plan this week, but I have made improvements. More water, more veggies. Cut waaaaay back on the sugar and starch. While a lot of it is probably water, I have lost 5 pounds this week (10 in the last two weeks) Yea!
Weight: 289.2
Bust: 52.25
Midriff: 50.5
Waist: 52.75
Hips: 59.25
Here is a list of the supplements I am taking. To kick things off, I have begun an intestinal cleansing program. It's mostly fiber with some herbs that assist your body to get rid of excess waste from your digestive tract, liver and kidneys. The brand I'm using is Yerba Prima. It's very important to have regular elimination.
Cod Liver Oil gel tablet (1/day)
5-HTP (2- twice/day) It's the precursor to seratonin, which is a brain chemical that helps improve your sleep, mood and appetite.
B-Complex Sublingual Liquid (Supports the nervous system to ease stress so you don't produce too much cortisol which causes midsection weight gain).
Echinacea Tea (1-2 cups to support the immune system and hold off colds).
A good multivitamin of your choice. I use the WM brand of 1-a-Day's weight loss vitamin.
My first goal is to get below 250 pounds by my birthday in April. Studies show that when weight loss is slow and steady you have a better chance of keeping it off. Changing habits is much more effective than going on a restrictive diet.
I hope anyone who is also making changes will leave comments so we can encourage each other and share successes!
Weight: 289.2
Bust: 52.25
Midriff: 50.5
Waist: 52.75
Hips: 59.25
Here is a list of the supplements I am taking. To kick things off, I have begun an intestinal cleansing program. It's mostly fiber with some herbs that assist your body to get rid of excess waste from your digestive tract, liver and kidneys. The brand I'm using is Yerba Prima. It's very important to have regular elimination.
Cod Liver Oil gel tablet (1/day)
5-HTP (2- twice/day) It's the precursor to seratonin, which is a brain chemical that helps improve your sleep, mood and appetite.
B-Complex Sublingual Liquid (Supports the nervous system to ease stress so you don't produce too much cortisol which causes midsection weight gain).
Echinacea Tea (1-2 cups to support the immune system and hold off colds).
A good multivitamin of your choice. I use the WM brand of 1-a-Day's weight loss vitamin.
My first goal is to get below 250 pounds by my birthday in April. Studies show that when weight loss is slow and steady you have a better chance of keeping it off. Changing habits is much more effective than going on a restrictive diet.
I hope anyone who is also making changes will leave comments so we can encourage each other and share successes!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tree the Health Nut
Hi, everybody! I've decided I'm not going to wait for New Year's to begin working on my health. Not my weight--my health. I'm never going to be a 21 yr old pole dancer. However, I can be a healthy 40 something with many years left in which to be attractive and busy and have a lot of fun. I stated on Facebook that I would post my beginning stats and before pics. I haven't got the pics taken yet, but here is the lowdown on my size and health.
Weight: 294.0
Bust: 52.25
Midriff: 53.5
Waist: 55.0
Hips/Abdomen: 59.25
Current health issues: depression, inner ear balance problem, thinning hair, sinusitis, water retention (on meds), dry flaky patch on scalp, acne, hydradenitis supparativa (underarm cysts), constipation, occasional urinary incontinence and fatigue. My blood pressure has normalized, I rarely have headaches and my stress level is better since I have been on leave of absence from work and had a few months of counseling. This may be too much information, but I feel that if I can help someone else who is suffering in silence the way I have for years, my slight embarrassment is totally worth it.
Here's the Plan
There is no magic involved. No weird concoctions to drink. This is all common sense that has nothing to do with pharmaceuticals, extreme food manipulation or expensive fake meals on wheels. Basically, just make sure that MOST of the time (like 90%) you eat foods that still resemble their original state. Raw or lightly steamed/stir fried vegetables; raw or lightly stewed fruits; fresh, lean meats without breading or nitrates (in other words not in the form of beef fingers or processed lunch slices); whole grains. No cheap white bread, noodles or white rice; if you want bread, choose only high fiber whole grain bread. A good way to get veggies is to drink V8 juices. That's two servings of veg in one serving of drink!
Speaking of drink, no sodas; not even diet. I'm convinced that many of my imbalances may have originated from my Pepsi addiction. The constant flow of corn syrup, acid and caffeine can't have been good for me. Diet drinks have artifical sweeteners, many of which are questionable if not downright dangerous (see http://www.sweetpoison.com/). If I want something sweet, I will eat fruit or use REAL sugar (brown, honey, molasses, etc). I am convinced that concentrating on consuming foods that were created by God, as close to the way He put them on the planet as possible, I will improve my health in a dramatic way. That's why I am documenting this publicly. I am making myself a guinea pig for all the common sense I have read and known to be true, but never had the courage to really try before. If I can do it, anyone can. I am the most rebellious, self centered, comfort loving person I know. I want what I want when I want it. It's my biggest battle. But I know that the future I want can't happen if I continue in this downward health spiral. Besides the health, I want to look good, too! And I want to help my children establish good habits now, so they don't have to fight the same battles I have with self esteem and anxiety.
Here are some things to keep in mind
*Fruit digests quickly, so it should be eaten on an empty stomach to avoid fermentation and gas. After about 20 minutes, you can eat other foods because the fruit will have passed on into the intestine by then.
*If raw veggies give you painful gas, eat them lightly steamed or pickled. Fermented foods like pickle, saurkraut and kim chee can be eaten at the beginning of your meal to give your digestive system some help with the process.
*Eat enough! Don't eat until you're stuffed, but eat enough. This kind of eating feels different at the end of the meal than burgers and fries or pizza. You won't feel bloated, so you will feel weird and like you need more even if you're not hungry. Blog about it, pray about it, sit and contemplate it, but don't eat more just to get that familiar stuffed feeling.
*You aren't depriving yourself, you are loving yourself by eating the things your body was designed to run on. I know this is in every diet book ever written, but it's true. You are doing something nice for you! Remember that.
Weight: 294.0
Bust: 52.25
Midriff: 53.5
Waist: 55.0
Hips/Abdomen: 59.25
Current health issues: depression, inner ear balance problem, thinning hair, sinusitis, water retention (on meds), dry flaky patch on scalp, acne, hydradenitis supparativa (underarm cysts), constipation, occasional urinary incontinence and fatigue. My blood pressure has normalized, I rarely have headaches and my stress level is better since I have been on leave of absence from work and had a few months of counseling. This may be too much information, but I feel that if I can help someone else who is suffering in silence the way I have for years, my slight embarrassment is totally worth it.
Here's the Plan
There is no magic involved. No weird concoctions to drink. This is all common sense that has nothing to do with pharmaceuticals, extreme food manipulation or expensive fake meals on wheels. Basically, just make sure that MOST of the time (like 90%) you eat foods that still resemble their original state. Raw or lightly steamed/stir fried vegetables; raw or lightly stewed fruits; fresh, lean meats without breading or nitrates (in other words not in the form of beef fingers or processed lunch slices); whole grains. No cheap white bread, noodles or white rice; if you want bread, choose only high fiber whole grain bread. A good way to get veggies is to drink V8 juices. That's two servings of veg in one serving of drink!
Speaking of drink, no sodas; not even diet. I'm convinced that many of my imbalances may have originated from my Pepsi addiction. The constant flow of corn syrup, acid and caffeine can't have been good for me. Diet drinks have artifical sweeteners, many of which are questionable if not downright dangerous (see http://www.sweetpoison.com/). If I want something sweet, I will eat fruit or use REAL sugar (brown, honey, molasses, etc). I am convinced that concentrating on consuming foods that were created by God, as close to the way He put them on the planet as possible, I will improve my health in a dramatic way. That's why I am documenting this publicly. I am making myself a guinea pig for all the common sense I have read and known to be true, but never had the courage to really try before. If I can do it, anyone can. I am the most rebellious, self centered, comfort loving person I know. I want what I want when I want it. It's my biggest battle. But I know that the future I want can't happen if I continue in this downward health spiral. Besides the health, I want to look good, too! And I want to help my children establish good habits now, so they don't have to fight the same battles I have with self esteem and anxiety.
Here are some things to keep in mind
*Fruit digests quickly, so it should be eaten on an empty stomach to avoid fermentation and gas. After about 20 minutes, you can eat other foods because the fruit will have passed on into the intestine by then.
*If raw veggies give you painful gas, eat them lightly steamed or pickled. Fermented foods like pickle, saurkraut and kim chee can be eaten at the beginning of your meal to give your digestive system some help with the process.
*Eat enough! Don't eat until you're stuffed, but eat enough. This kind of eating feels different at the end of the meal than burgers and fries or pizza. You won't feel bloated, so you will feel weird and like you need more even if you're not hungry. Blog about it, pray about it, sit and contemplate it, but don't eat more just to get that familiar stuffed feeling.
*You aren't depriving yourself, you are loving yourself by eating the things your body was designed to run on. I know this is in every diet book ever written, but it's true. You are doing something nice for you! Remember that.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
On a More Positive Note
I am soooooo excited! I have discovered a great motivating tool to get my novel written. Okay. One of the novels that have been percolating in my fevered brain for years. November is National Novel Writing Month! There's an official website and everything (http://www.nanowrimo.org/). I have signed up and have managed to post around 16,000 words so far. The goal is to write 50,000 words in 30 days. Can I do it? Well, considering that the daily goal is 1667 words per day (about 8-9 pages), I think I can. I am really looking forward to being able to type "The End" and really mean it. You're not allowed to edit, you just get the first draft down as quickly and as best you can. According to the site, "December is for editing." Regardless of how much rewriting I may have to do, I am planning to get my first draft done by November 30. Wish me luck! In fact, go try it yourselves and have fun whether you finish or not! :)
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Historic Doesn't Mean Good
I have been listening to the debate on the House floor regarding the Pelosi health care bill. Those in favor of it keep saying, "We have a chance to do something historic..." I would just like to say that Hitler did lots of historic things, few of them good. Napoleon did some good historic things and some heinous historic things. Wanting to be part of something historic, changing things for change's sake, is not a good reason to ram through a thoroughly unpopular bill that will limit the freedoms of the America people. Some of the arguments on the Democrat side were sob stories about how people have to fight with their insurance companies over uncovered conditions. I cannot believe that any government run insurance program is going to cover even as much as the worst private insurance company out there. The programs they currently run are rife with corruption that goes undiscovered and costs the public billions. I don't want to trust my life or the lives of my children to the federal government. Do you?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Don't Tell Mama, but My Room Still Isn't Clean
I think we find time in life to do the things we really want to do. In other words, I still don't have "time" to keep my house clean. LOL I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says, "I understand the concept of cleaning and organizing. Just not as it applies to me."
Seriously, though, my bad habits are a lifetime long, and it will take time to retrain myself to remember picking up as I go and all those "cleanie" things that come naturally to some folks. The good news is, I get my dishes and laundry done more than once a week. I'm making progress, but I expect instant miracles. If I can imagine it, I want it to be that way right now. 99 times out of a hundred it won't happen that way. Darn. Avoiding work just makes MORE WORK!
Seriously, though, my bad habits are a lifetime long, and it will take time to retrain myself to remember picking up as I go and all those "cleanie" things that come naturally to some folks. The good news is, I get my dishes and laundry done more than once a week. I'm making progress, but I expect instant miracles. If I can imagine it, I want it to be that way right now. 99 times out of a hundred it won't happen that way. Darn. Avoiding work just makes MORE WORK!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
God's Cake
Well, I had a pretty bad couple of days. I had to reschedule my Dr appt because I just felt too crappy to shower and go. My husband always says, "You'll feel better if you shower." He recommends this remedy for sinus, migraine, depression...everything. Showering does make me feel better, but what about when I can't make myself care enough about myself to go do it? Today was better. I heard from my cousin whom I haven't seen in years. She had some good news for me. I also heard from a dear friend I had lost touch with. Another friend sent a great FWD email that I just had to share. It's called "God's Cake" and I have no idea to whom I should give the credit. If the person who originally wrote this happens to read my blog, I apologize for the plagiarism. It's not intentional, and you can feel free to make yourself known by commenting or emailing. Here it is:
Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."
"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers.
"Yuck" says her daughter. "How about a couple raw eggs?"
"Gross, Mom!"
"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"
"Mom, those are all yucky!"
To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! "
God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."
"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers.
"Yuck" says her daughter. "How about a couple raw eggs?"
"Gross, Mom!"
"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"
"Mom, those are all yucky!"
To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! "
God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
Thursday, October 08, 2009
God's Loving Favor
"I (the Lord) will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you." Psalm 32:8 Our family devotion this morning was so appropriate for me. I have always felt so guilty about my lack of discipline when it comes to daily Bible study and devotion time. This morning's devotion came from Joyce Meyer's "Beginning Every Day Right." She said that the devil wants us feeling guilty but God loves us no matter what. All that's required for salvation is to put your trust in Jesus and His redeeming sacrifice and power. That's all. Now, we should WANT to study the Word because that's how we get to know our God better and gain understanding of the best way to live and receive all He has for us. But He never condemns us or hates us because of our weakness and lack of discipline. Praise God for His loving favor.
I am working on a novel again. It feels really good to be writing something fun. I enjoy writing my ehow.com articles, but I have seven books in my head right at this moment that are screaming to get out. I'll keep you posted on my progress.
Let me know how you are doing. You can always leave a comment, or if you have a personal question or comment, feel free to email me by clicking HERE.
I am working on a novel again. It feels really good to be writing something fun. I enjoy writing my ehow.com articles, but I have seven books in my head right at this moment that are screaming to get out. I'll keep you posted on my progress.
Let me know how you are doing. You can always leave a comment, or if you have a personal question or comment, feel free to email me by clicking HERE.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Hope for the Hopeless
According to my therapist (and my husband before her), I tend to be really hard on myself. Other people I can forgive, live and let live, encourage...Me, I must be perfect or nothing at all. I'm not entirely sure where that came from, but I know it can be overcome. So many things in my life have been abandoned or never started because I knew I didn't have the skill or the time to "do it right (i.e.perfectly)." And as we all know, if it's worth doing, it's worth doing RIGHT!! Well, not necessarily. Many things just need to be DONE and it doesn't really matter if it's done perfectly. For your own sanity, if you struggle with this, I beg you...take the advice of the NIKE shoe company and just do it. If it turns out badly, at least it got done. At least it isn't still sitting in your inbox making you feel guilty with its incompleteness. You folks know who you are and you know the kinds of things I'm talking about. "I can't clean out the utility room because I don't have the right kind of trash bag. I can't start writing that book, because I have to regrout my tile; but I can't do that till I get to the store for more grout; but I can't go to the store because I haven't showered today..." YOU know.
Okay, so what's the one thing that's putting the biggest guilt trip on you? Get up right now and TAKE ONE SMALL STEP toward getting it done. Yep. You don't have to get it all done right now, just do something so you know that you WILL get it done. You will feel so much better. I promise.
Okay, so what's the one thing that's putting the biggest guilt trip on you? Get up right now and TAKE ONE SMALL STEP toward getting it done. Yep. You don't have to get it all done right now, just do something so you know that you WILL get it done. You will feel so much better. I promise.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Discoveries
I'd like to tell you about a couple of sites I heard about on Glenn Beck's show. A couple of ladies like myself have taken to the internet to express their thoughts, feelings and beliefs, and they do a great job! Check them out at http://mommylife.net/ and http://asamom.org/. Read their messages and leave comments. Tell them Theresa from Wisdom From the Couch sent you!
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Keep it Simple
I am re-reading the book Living With Less by Mark Tabb. I understand why folks say they are sickened by "The America Way." But we have no one to blame but ourselves. Think about it. We are all in debt because we want more stuff than we can really afford. We want this stuff because the advertisers have spent a lot of money telling us how wonderful our lives will be if we have it. Besides, everybody else has it. Is it the advertisers' fault? No. If the ads didn't work, if we didn't go spend the money, they would quit doing it. We can't blame the ad companies or pop culture spreaders any more than we can blame the government for our materialism. The desire for more is human nature. God gave us minds to think about decisions before we make them, so we don't have to be slaves to that urge to grasp for more. The capitalist system is not responsible for greed in America any more than the NRA is responsible for gang related shooting deaths. Individual responsibility has to come into play somewhere. We want to blame someone or something else, but the fact is we choose most of what happens in our lives. If we refuse to make a choice, that is also a choice to let things happen instead. If you don't like greed, start by looking into your own heart and root out the greed there. Live more simply yourself and be an example to others of the lower stress and higher level of quiet joy that can be had. Don't expect the government to legislate to others something you are not willing to do and espouse yourself. So. In many ways I am preaching to myself. We have a lot of stuff. Stuff I don't even see anymore because it's in boxes stored away. The next project at the Johnston household is to go through the stuff and only keep what we really love, need and use. The point of life is not the stuff we have. Our stuff has nothing to do with who we are. Our relationships define us. God created humanity because He wanted somoeone to love Him of their own free will. Did you ever wonder why He gave us a choice when He knew we would abuse it? Think about it. Would you want a love that was coerced or given mindlessly from someone who didn't know they could choose any other way? Of course not. We all want to be loved by someone who has a choice and chose us. How much more the God Who created us? So what are you doing with your free will? Don't give it away to pop culture or the propaganda of the hour. THINK and CHOOSE. Don't drift and wind up where everybody else is going.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
My Hero
My husband is the MAN!! The whole flushing assembly, including the handle, needed replacing in the worst way. I think it was the same setup that was in the toilet when the house was built in 1984. Brian got in there and wrestled with the thing and got it all replaced, even though he had a raging headache. Thank you, Sweetie!
I have a hair appointment at 2:00 with Donna Kay at Precision Cuts in Barling. She is perm goddess. My last one lasted six months and never really got fuzzy. I'm going back to the neckline cut and perm like I had in the late 80's early 90's. My avatar pic shows how it was when Brian and I first got married. That pic is from October of 92. I'm 100 pounds heavier now, but I will have the same hair this afternoon. I've lost some weight, so maybe I will look like that again in a few months. LOL
I have been thinking a lot about my best friend, Laurie. I haven't talked to her in nearly a year I guess. We do this. We'll keep in touch for a while, then something happens and we get sidetracked. Time goes by so fast and I don't realize just how long it's been until all of a sudden. I need to call her and make a lunch date. Friends are so important in life, but they are one of the pleasures that I deny myself for whatever self-sabotage reason I do these things. If you have a good friend you haven't talked to in a while, I would encourage you to call, email or send a short note to let them know you're thinking of them. It will make their day, and it will lighten your guilt load a little. Just go ahead and do those things you want to do that will bring you closer to the folks you love. The dishes will still be there when you're ready to do them.
I have a hair appointment at 2:00 with Donna Kay at Precision Cuts in Barling. She is perm goddess. My last one lasted six months and never really got fuzzy. I'm going back to the neckline cut and perm like I had in the late 80's early 90's. My avatar pic shows how it was when Brian and I first got married. That pic is from October of 92. I'm 100 pounds heavier now, but I will have the same hair this afternoon. I've lost some weight, so maybe I will look like that again in a few months. LOL
I have been thinking a lot about my best friend, Laurie. I haven't talked to her in nearly a year I guess. We do this. We'll keep in touch for a while, then something happens and we get sidetracked. Time goes by so fast and I don't realize just how long it's been until all of a sudden. I need to call her and make a lunch date. Friends are so important in life, but they are one of the pleasures that I deny myself for whatever self-sabotage reason I do these things. If you have a good friend you haven't talked to in a while, I would encourage you to call, email or send a short note to let them know you're thinking of them. It will make their day, and it will lighten your guilt load a little. Just go ahead and do those things you want to do that will bring you closer to the folks you love. The dishes will still be there when you're ready to do them.
Monday, September 28, 2009
I Thought It Would Be Easier
I thought if I had more time at home, I would do a better job keeping house. Since I added writing into the mix, I'm not managing my time very well. Who am I kidding. I just really don't like cleaning house. It's boring! I have a low tolerance for boring. I'm a certified brat. (go to http://www.thebratfactor.com/myib.php to find out if you have an inner brat like I do). I had unsubscribed to my Fly Lady reminders because of the guilt I had when I didn't do them all. I read again on her site how my house didn't get this way in a day, and I can't fix it that fast either. I have to remember that I can do ANYTHING for 15 minutes, and take it a little at a time. If you have issues with housekeeping (in other words if you are not a born "cleanie") you should check out the Fly Lady at http://www.flylady.net/. I'm subscribing to the reminders again. It feels like I have a personal coach encouraging me to do my best for me and my family (when I don't let the guilt creep in).
HEY!!! If you like my blog and read it pretty often, why not sign up as a FOLLOWER? There's a link down on the left somewhere that lets you do that. I'd love to know how many folks are reading my blather on a regular basis. Be sure to comment, as well. In fact, here's a topic: I read that the Obama administration wants to make our kids' school day and year longer. He thinks they should stay at school until 5 or 6 pm and not have a summer vacation. The thinking is that more time will make our kids smarter in math and things to compete globally. My view is that our kids are smart, but don't care about excelling. They want to have fun, because that's the American way. More time at school will not do anything about changing the attitude toward being excellent. Okay...Discuss.
HEY!!! If you like my blog and read it pretty often, why not sign up as a FOLLOWER? There's a link down on the left somewhere that lets you do that. I'd love to know how many folks are reading my blather on a regular basis. Be sure to comment, as well. In fact, here's a topic: I read that the Obama administration wants to make our kids' school day and year longer. He thinks they should stay at school until 5 or 6 pm and not have a summer vacation. The thinking is that more time will make our kids smarter in math and things to compete globally. My view is that our kids are smart, but don't care about excelling. They want to have fun, because that's the American way. More time at school will not do anything about changing the attitude toward being excellent. Okay...Discuss.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Prozac- Uncomfortably Numb
Before he referred me to a therapist, my medical doctor put me on Prozac again. We had tried this years ago. I hated it then. I hate it now. But it does help keep the downs from being so down. I don't know how it is for others, but when I take Prozac, I feel as if I am mummy-wrapped in a fine mesh gauze. There is no such thing anymore as skin to skin contact. I am remote, like I have partially phased out of this plane of existence and experience everything just a nanometer removed. Pray for me, friends, that I will soon be strong enough to do without this bubble wrap protection for my emotions.
I do see progress. The most important thing is the time I spend with my family now. I am having regular devotions. I am singing again...I hope to post video soon of my rendition of "Our Hope Endures" by Natalie Grant. If you haven't heard it, look it up online. It's one of my favorite songs. In the chorus it says, "Let the earth quake, our hope is unchanged." Amen.
Good Lord! How depressing is it to write about depression?! I could write about the amusing antics of my middle aged cat, but she made me mad today. We forgot to put her out last night, so she left us a smelly lump of poop on the couch as a reminder never to do that again. Cats are vindictive creatures. Anyone who says otherwise either does not know cats, or they are trying to give away kittens. I have been grateful many times over the last two years that we bought a leather couch. Highly recommended if you have cats, animals or if you never remember to vacuum your cushions. I love my Shadhafur in spite of her annoying eccentricities. Don't tell my husband, but I even love our manipulative prima donna dog, Bandit. He is so prissy, he won't go out in the grass to potty if it's been raining. He'll go on the driveway so he doesn't get his precious paws all wet. Have you EVER? I would wonder about my ability to potty train anything correctly if I didn't have two teenagers who mastered the whole bodily functions thing at an early age.
I started this post 12 hours ago and am finally putting it, and myself, to bed. Jessica and Brian are watching "The Illusionist" AGAIN. It's a wonderful movie. Please watch it if you haven't. Brennan has his best friend over and they are sitting in Brennan's room, four feet from each other, chatting on separate laptops instead of out loud to each other while they go on quests to fight the Horde on World of Warcraft. I have been reading my new "Mother Earth News" issue. I'm looking for relatively easy and inexpensive ways to go solar or wind powered, or both. The electric company is getting more greedy and ridiculous all the time, and I plan to go "off the grid" or at least make the majority of our own energy by this time next year. I'll let you all know how that progresses. I told Brian, again, that I want to get chickens. We eat a lot of eggs when we are doing low-carb.
My yeast killing diet has lasted for 2 days, but I broke down and went to McDonald's tonight due to having company and being too draggy to get to the store today. Back on track tomorrow.
I do see progress. The most important thing is the time I spend with my family now. I am having regular devotions. I am singing again...I hope to post video soon of my rendition of "Our Hope Endures" by Natalie Grant. If you haven't heard it, look it up online. It's one of my favorite songs. In the chorus it says, "Let the earth quake, our hope is unchanged." Amen.
Good Lord! How depressing is it to write about depression?! I could write about the amusing antics of my middle aged cat, but she made me mad today. We forgot to put her out last night, so she left us a smelly lump of poop on the couch as a reminder never to do that again. Cats are vindictive creatures. Anyone who says otherwise either does not know cats, or they are trying to give away kittens. I have been grateful many times over the last two years that we bought a leather couch. Highly recommended if you have cats, animals or if you never remember to vacuum your cushions. I love my Shadhafur in spite of her annoying eccentricities. Don't tell my husband, but I even love our manipulative prima donna dog, Bandit. He is so prissy, he won't go out in the grass to potty if it's been raining. He'll go on the driveway so he doesn't get his precious paws all wet. Have you EVER? I would wonder about my ability to potty train anything correctly if I didn't have two teenagers who mastered the whole bodily functions thing at an early age.
I started this post 12 hours ago and am finally putting it, and myself, to bed. Jessica and Brian are watching "The Illusionist" AGAIN. It's a wonderful movie. Please watch it if you haven't. Brennan has his best friend over and they are sitting in Brennan's room, four feet from each other, chatting on separate laptops instead of out loud to each other while they go on quests to fight the Horde on World of Warcraft. I have been reading my new "Mother Earth News" issue. I'm looking for relatively easy and inexpensive ways to go solar or wind powered, or both. The electric company is getting more greedy and ridiculous all the time, and I plan to go "off the grid" or at least make the majority of our own energy by this time next year. I'll let you all know how that progresses. I told Brian, again, that I want to get chickens. We eat a lot of eggs when we are doing low-carb.
My yeast killing diet has lasted for 2 days, but I broke down and went to McDonald's tonight due to having company and being too draggy to get to the store today. Back on track tomorrow.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Changes
I gave the site a brief (less than 24 hrs) makeover yesterday. If you blinked you probably missed it. I like this template much better. I think it matches me. LOL
The weather continues autumnal. I love it! The Jews consider this time of year to be the beginning, and I have to say that internally I feel the same. The fall has always felt like time to start something new. School starts, Bilbo and Frodo both started their adventures shortly after their birthdays in September...
Tomorrow, I am beginning again to cleanse my system of Candida albicans (yeast), and reduce my carb intake. More modern ailments are caused or exacerbated by systemic yeast infections than the medical community is willing to admit. I've known about this for over 10 years, but I haven't wanted to do the hard part...giving up sugar and processed flour until my body gets regulated. Then keeping the intake to a minimum. I will write more on this health issue later today or tomorrow. Right now, I have some articles to write. You can find my work on http://www.ehow.com/. Just type my name in the search bar to find my articles. Here is one that gives a brief overview of one treatment for the yeast problem: http://www.ehow.com/about_5438057_caprylic-acid-uses.html
The weather continues autumnal. I love it! The Jews consider this time of year to be the beginning, and I have to say that internally I feel the same. The fall has always felt like time to start something new. School starts, Bilbo and Frodo both started their adventures shortly after their birthdays in September...
Tomorrow, I am beginning again to cleanse my system of Candida albicans (yeast), and reduce my carb intake. More modern ailments are caused or exacerbated by systemic yeast infections than the medical community is willing to admit. I've known about this for over 10 years, but I haven't wanted to do the hard part...giving up sugar and processed flour until my body gets regulated. Then keeping the intake to a minimum. I will write more on this health issue later today or tomorrow. Right now, I have some articles to write. You can find my work on http://www.ehow.com/. Just type my name in the search bar to find my articles. Here is one that gives a brief overview of one treatment for the yeast problem: http://www.ehow.com/about_5438057_caprylic-acid-uses.html
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Looking Outside Myself
Self-centeredness is the common flaw we all share. Each of us has our own problems and sins to deal with, but we are all selfish. I would like to think it wasn't true in my case, but I'd be lying to myself. In my current state of mind, it's natural and seems like self-preservation to dwell on my feelings. I'm sharing them to hopefully help someone else as well, but I've been pretty focused on me. Today I realized that I am grateful that my worst problem is severe depression.
I was watching Joyce Meyer's "Enjoying Everyday Life" on TBN. She has been discussing how the church in America has gotten far away from Christ's original commands of loving each other and helping the poor and needy. She showed scenes from the garbage dump in Cambodia where hundreds of children live, scrounging for something they can clean up and sell for food. Even more heartbreaking were the statistics on just how huge the child sex trade is worldwide. 2 million children in India alone are exploited by sex traders or forced to be prostitutes just to survive. Dear God, who could do that to another human being, much less a child!
The Lord made sex to be a wonderful experience of love between two people who are committed to each other's happiness and well-being. Satan and man have twisted it into a means of control, profit and degradation. We have to fight this perversion of God's plan. I prayed about what I could do to help. While driving around, one of my favorite radio stations (Air1) mentioned that the band The Wrecking was proud to have one of their songs being used by a group called Love146. This group has rescued and given hope to children and teens who have been forced into this slavery. Hearing about this right after watching Joyce's show seemed like a clear direction to me. I plan to do my part to get the word out about this abhorrent practice. Join me in setting captives free in the name of Jesus. I have a link to the YouTube channel for Love146 on the left side of my page. Here is their homepage: http://love146.org/ and they also have a blog at http://love146.blogspot.com/. They have a list of 146 ways to help. Only 1 or 2 involve money. The rest are ways to get the message out. These evil people thrive like roaches in the dark places. Let's shine Christ's light on them and save as many of their victims as we can.
I was watching Joyce Meyer's "Enjoying Everyday Life" on TBN. She has been discussing how the church in America has gotten far away from Christ's original commands of loving each other and helping the poor and needy. She showed scenes from the garbage dump in Cambodia where hundreds of children live, scrounging for something they can clean up and sell for food. Even more heartbreaking were the statistics on just how huge the child sex trade is worldwide. 2 million children in India alone are exploited by sex traders or forced to be prostitutes just to survive. Dear God, who could do that to another human being, much less a child!
The Lord made sex to be a wonderful experience of love between two people who are committed to each other's happiness and well-being. Satan and man have twisted it into a means of control, profit and degradation. We have to fight this perversion of God's plan. I prayed about what I could do to help. While driving around, one of my favorite radio stations (Air1) mentioned that the band The Wrecking was proud to have one of their songs being used by a group called Love146. This group has rescued and given hope to children and teens who have been forced into this slavery. Hearing about this right after watching Joyce's show seemed like a clear direction to me. I plan to do my part to get the word out about this abhorrent practice. Join me in setting captives free in the name of Jesus. I have a link to the YouTube channel for Love146 on the left side of my page. Here is their homepage: http://love146.org/ and they also have a blog at http://love146.blogspot.com/. They have a list of 146 ways to help. Only 1 or 2 involve money. The rest are ways to get the message out. These evil people thrive like roaches in the dark places. Let's shine Christ's light on them and save as many of their victims as we can.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Be Sure to Leave a Comment!
If you visit my blog, I'd love to hear what you think. I'd also like my readers to share advice, stories and encouragement with each other. Just click the tiny "comments" link at the bottom of any post. Thanks for reading!
Chivalry is Not Dead
My darling 16-yr-old daughter may have a boyfriend on the horizon. Unlike the girls on most TV shows, she has never actively sought a boyfriend. She says she is having too much fun with her friends (girls AND guys) and has too much schoolwork to worry about it much. I'd like to think our parenting had something to do with her healthy attitude, but we owe much of it to her own levelheadedness, and a lot to God's anwers to prayer.
Anyway, the other day this boy who sits at their lunch table got up and went clear across the cafeteria to get her a chair without being asked. Then the last two days he has asked to carry her books to class. She said he is shy, but really nice. He's cute, too! (She showed me his pic in the yearbook.) I didn't know boys still asked girls if they could carry their books. I'm quite encouraged. Moms, if you worry about who your kids will end up with in life, and you want them to find a love of a lifetime, start praying NOW! I've been praying for my kids' spouses since they were born. In my youth I made some poor decisions, and had my share of heartbreak. I know I can't keep my kids from ever being hurt, but I can pray that at least they will have a trustworthy, like-minded companion to be with them through it all. Drama is way overrated. I am so glad to have been with Brian for the last 17 years. We've known each other for 31 years, and we have more fun now than ever. There's a lot to be said for really KNOWING someone, warts and all. And for letting them know you, and accept you anyway. Isn't that what we all want? If you don't currently have a human being in your life to give you that kind of acceptance, please know that the Lord knows every intimate detail of your life and thoughts, and He loves you anyway! He will accept you if you turn to Him. If anything about you needs fixing, He will take care of it in His own time if you let Him. The important part is just giving yourself to Him. He'll do the rest.
Anyway, the other day this boy who sits at their lunch table got up and went clear across the cafeteria to get her a chair without being asked. Then the last two days he has asked to carry her books to class. She said he is shy, but really nice. He's cute, too! (She showed me his pic in the yearbook.) I didn't know boys still asked girls if they could carry their books. I'm quite encouraged. Moms, if you worry about who your kids will end up with in life, and you want them to find a love of a lifetime, start praying NOW! I've been praying for my kids' spouses since they were born. In my youth I made some poor decisions, and had my share of heartbreak. I know I can't keep my kids from ever being hurt, but I can pray that at least they will have a trustworthy, like-minded companion to be with them through it all. Drama is way overrated. I am so glad to have been with Brian for the last 17 years. We've known each other for 31 years, and we have more fun now than ever. There's a lot to be said for really KNOWING someone, warts and all. And for letting them know you, and accept you anyway. Isn't that what we all want? If you don't currently have a human being in your life to give you that kind of acceptance, please know that the Lord knows every intimate detail of your life and thoughts, and He loves you anyway! He will accept you if you turn to Him. If anything about you needs fixing, He will take care of it in His own time if you let Him. The important part is just giving yourself to Him. He'll do the rest.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Anxiety, Depression and Insomnia...Oh, My!
It's 1 am and I am tired. But I'm not sleepy. I lay there squeezing my eyes shut, willing myself to sleep, but it doesn't work that way. So here I am instead, typing away for myself. Blogs are touted as communication tools. Ultimately they're self centered and motivated by the need to express, not necessarily to share, your thoughts. It feels like communication. Unless someone reads and responds, though, it's a lonely business. Anxiety and depression have been my companions for lo! these many years. I have always leaned on God's strength and the love of my family to help me cope. Lately, though, my coping mechanisms have failed me. I can see, logically, that I am not a failure, hated by all. That doesn't make the feelings go away. The panic, the dread, the jibbering coward curled up somewhere near my stomach...these are all very real to me. The Lord who created me in His image, who did not give me a spirit of fear but of love and of a sound mind, is even more real to me. I see Him as if I am looking up from under the water in a deep well. (Think, "The Ring") I know He's there, but I feel far away from Him. He said, "Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you." I want to curl up in His lap and never leave. In the words of the band Benjamin Gate, "Oh hold me and heal me. Keep my heart in Your hand."
People who feel the Bible is not relevant for their lives today have truly not read it. The book ofLamentations Ecclesiastes is so encouraging to me sometimes. (Sorry it was 1 in the morning. I went to read it this morning and had to come correct this). If you've read it, you may think that's a strange statement, but bear with me. King Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived, because he asked God for wisdom. As wise as he was, he was still a very powerful king and had at his disposal riches and power like none of us could dream of having. He tried everything. He decided he was going to live life for all it was worth. He had over a thousand wives, drank, gambled, fought...you name it. In the end, can you imagine what he found? He decided that there is nothing new under the sun, and everything was pointless without God at the center of it. He was depressed. If this great man of God, the one appointed to build the Temple, lost hope at times; why should I feel like a failure because I have, too? I have been over-stressed for a long period of time, and my endorphins have crashed to zilch. I am out of balance, and my mind is sunk in a dark place. I haven't lost faith that God can heal. But I'm not sure I will be able to do the right things to help myself. Of course, that may be the point. There are times we need to take up our beds and walk. Then there are times to be still and know that He is God. God, right now I am floundering. I keep trying to think in the same terms of things I'd like to accomplish and what I "should" do. Help me to become a child again for a while and wait for You to heal my heart and mind, then show me what You want me to do next. I will stand quietly for You are the Lord.
People who feel the Bible is not relevant for their lives today have truly not read it. The book of
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
"A Double Minded Man..."
"A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." James 1:8
James was writing about those who can't decide where their allegiance lies-with the Lord or satan. This verse is appropriate for other areas of our lives as well.
I've always had difficulty making up my mind. Once I have finally made a firm decision the thing gets done despite all obstacles. The decision making process itself is what stymies me. It's too easy for me to see all sides and possibilities. Just looking at pros and cons is not very helpful unless you first have a set of priorities to measure them against.
I have a stated set of priorities, but I allow my emotions of the moment to make me short-sighted. On sober reflection I realize the "decision" isn't best in the long-term, so I make a new decision. Even though I know that decision is the right one, it may not comfortable in the short-term so I keep waffling. I'm thankful my lack of resolve isn't as public as Brett Favre's, but it's no less uproarious for me and my family.
James was writing about those who can't decide where their allegiance lies-with the Lord or satan. This verse is appropriate for other areas of our lives as well.
I've always had difficulty making up my mind. Once I have finally made a firm decision the thing gets done despite all obstacles. The decision making process itself is what stymies me. It's too easy for me to see all sides and possibilities. Just looking at pros and cons is not very helpful unless you first have a set of priorities to measure them against.
I have a stated set of priorities, but I allow my emotions of the moment to make me short-sighted. On sober reflection I realize the "decision" isn't best in the long-term, so I make a new decision. Even though I know that decision is the right one, it may not comfortable in the short-term so I keep waffling. I'm thankful my lack of resolve isn't as public as Brett Favre's, but it's no less uproarious for me and my family.
Monday, September 07, 2009
And So It Begins
So something snapped when I turned 40, and it wasn't my bra strap. I looked back at the plans I had for myself when I was my children's age, and it occurred to me how I had consistently chosen forks in the road that led me AWAY from my dreams instead of toward them. I was going to set the world on fire with my prose and my singing voice. What I did was marry young, drop out of college and spend a number of years in underachiever mode. I took jobs that did not require me to grow so I could "concentrate on my writing." I did a lot of journaling about how miserable I was, but didn't write much of value to anyone else. I have spent most of my adult life beneath the poverty line because I was so dissatisfied with myself I changed jobs often, looking for fulfillment from outside myself. After my marriage ended, I spent a year doing many, many things I swore I would never do. God never let me go, though. He was calling to me in that still, small voice that is impossible to ignore. When I turned back to Him, He brought me a wonderful husband and two children with whom I am well pleased. Things are never perfect when you are prone to depression, but I have a great life. My kids, ages 16 and 14 are exploring what they want to do when they grow up. I am, too. I still feel like I am ready to start my life any day now, if that makes sense. Part of that may be that this world is not my home, and every time I watch the news, I am more hopeful of Christ's imminent return. Mostly, though, I know that my purpose has not yet been fulfilled. I have yet to "sing my song" as some people put it. I don't want to die with the music still inside. The advent of blogging seems custom made for folks like me. I hope that the things I have learned, the stuff I make up, and the feelings I share will encourage, entertain and touch many.
Please feel free to comment on what you read here. Please keep it clean and respectful, even when you disagree. A lively exchange of ideas can be a lot of fun, but only when all the participants feel welcome and valued. (read my posting rules here)
Please feel free to comment on what you read here. Please keep it clean and respectful, even when you disagree. A lively exchange of ideas can be a lot of fun, but only when all the participants feel welcome and valued. (read my posting rules here)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)