My Hero

My husband is the MAN!! The whole flushing assembly, including the handle, needed replacing in the worst way. I think it was the same setup that was in the toilet when the house was built in 1984. Brian got in there and wrestled with the thing and got it all replaced, even though he had a raging headache. Thank you, Sweetie!
I have a hair appointment at 2:00 with Donna Kay at Precision Cuts in Barling. She is perm goddess. My last one lasted six months and never really got fuzzy. I'm going back to the neckline cut and perm like I had in the late 80's early 90's. My avatar pic shows how it was when Brian and I first got married. That pic is from October of 92. I'm 100 pounds heavier now, but I will have the same hair this afternoon. I've lost some weight, so maybe I will look like that again in a few months. LOL
I have been thinking a lot about my best friend, Laurie. I haven't talked to her in nearly a year I guess. We do this. We'll keep in touch for a while, then something happens and we get sidetracked. Time goes by so fast and I don't realize just how long it's been until all of a sudden. I need to call her and make a lunch date. Friends are so important in life, but they are one of the pleasures that I deny myself for whatever self-sabotage reason I do these things. If you have a good friend you haven't talked to in a while, I would encourage you to call, email or send a short note to let them know you're thinking of them. It will make their day, and it will lighten your guilt load a little. Just go ahead and do those things you want to do that will bring you closer to the folks you love. The dishes will still be there when you're ready to do them.

I Thought It Would Be Easier

I thought if I had more time at home, I would do a better job keeping house. Since I added writing into the mix, I'm not managing my time very well. Who am I kidding. I just really don't like cleaning house. It's boring! I have a low tolerance for boring. I'm a certified brat. (go to http://www.thebratfactor.com/myib.php to find out if you have an inner brat like I do). I had unsubscribed to my Fly Lady reminders because of the guilt I had when I didn't do them all. I read again on her site how my house didn't get this way in a day, and I can't fix it that fast either. I have to remember that I can do ANYTHING for 15 minutes, and take it a little at a time. If you have issues with housekeeping (in other words if you are not a born "cleanie") you should check out the Fly Lady at http://www.flylady.net/. I'm subscribing to the reminders again. It feels like I have a personal coach encouraging me to do my best for me and my family (when I don't let the guilt creep in).

HEY!!! If you like my blog and read it pretty often, why not sign up as a FOLLOWER? There's a link down on the left somewhere that lets you do that. I'd love to know how many folks are reading my blather on a regular basis. Be sure to comment, as well. In fact, here's a topic: I read that the Obama administration wants to make our kids' school day and year longer. He thinks they should stay at school until 5 or 6 pm and not have a summer vacation. The thinking is that more time will make our kids smarter in math and things to compete globally. My view is that our kids are smart, but don't care about excelling. They want to have fun, because that's the American way. More time at school will not do anything about changing the attitude toward being excellent. Okay...Discuss.

Prozac- Uncomfortably Numb

Before he referred me to a therapist, my medical doctor put me on Prozac again. We had tried this years ago. I hated it then. I hate it now. But it does help keep the downs from being so down. I don't know how it is for others, but when I take Prozac, I feel as if I am mummy-wrapped in a fine mesh gauze. There is no such thing anymore as skin to skin contact. I am remote, like I have partially phased out of this plane of existence and experience everything just a nanometer removed. Pray for me, friends, that I will soon be strong enough to do without this bubble wrap protection for my emotions.

I do see progress. The most important thing is the time I spend with my family now. I am having regular devotions. I am singing again...I hope to post video soon of my rendition of "Our Hope Endures" by Natalie Grant. If you haven't heard it, look it up online. It's one of my favorite songs. In the chorus it says, "Let the earth quake, our hope is unchanged." Amen. 

Good Lord! How depressing is it to write about depression?! I could write about the amusing antics of my middle aged cat, but she made me mad today. We forgot to put her out last night, so she left us a smelly lump of poop on the couch as a reminder never to do that again. Cats are vindictive creatures. Anyone who says otherwise either does not know cats, or they are trying to give away kittens. I have been grateful many times over the last two years that we bought a leather couch. Highly recommended if  you have cats, animals or if you never remember to vacuum your cushions. I love my Shadhafur in spite of her annoying eccentricities. Don't tell my husband, but I even love our manipulative prima donna dog, Bandit. He is so prissy, he won't go out in the grass to potty if it's been raining. He'll go on the driveway so he doesn't get his precious paws all wet. Have you EVER? I would wonder about my ability to potty train anything correctly if I didn't have two teenagers who mastered the whole bodily functions thing at an early age.

I started this post 12 hours ago and am finally putting it, and myself, to bed. Jessica and Brian are watching "The Illusionist" AGAIN. It's a wonderful movie. Please watch it if you haven't. Brennan has his best friend over and they are sitting in Brennan's room, four feet from each other, chatting on separate laptops instead of out loud to each other while they go on quests to fight the Horde on World of Warcraft. I have been reading my new "Mother Earth News" issue. I'm looking for relatively easy and inexpensive ways to go solar or wind powered, or both. The electric company is getting more greedy and ridiculous all the time, and I plan to go "off the grid" or at least make the majority of our own energy by this time next year. I'll let you all know how that progresses. I told Brian, again, that I want to get chickens. We eat a lot of eggs when we are doing low-carb.

My yeast killing diet has lasted for 2 days, but I broke down and went to McDonald's tonight due to having company and being too draggy to get to the store today. Back on track tomorrow.

Changes

I gave the site a brief (less than 24 hrs) makeover yesterday. If you blinked you probably missed it. I like this template much better. I think it matches me. LOL
The weather continues autumnal. I love it! The Jews consider this time of year to be the beginning, and I have to say that internally I feel the same. The fall has always felt like time to start something new. School starts, Bilbo and Frodo both started their adventures shortly after their birthdays in September...
Tomorrow, I am beginning again to cleanse my system of Candida albicans (yeast), and reduce my carb intake. More modern ailments are caused or exacerbated by systemic yeast infections than the medical community is willing to admit. I've known about this for over 10 years, but I haven't wanted to do the hard part...giving up sugar and processed flour until my body gets regulated. Then keeping the intake to a minimum. I will write more on this health issue later today or tomorrow. Right now, I have some articles to write. You can find my work on http://www.ehow.com/. Just type my name in the search bar to find my articles. Here is one that gives a brief overview of one treatment for the yeast problem: http://www.ehow.com/about_5438057_caprylic-acid-uses.html

Looking Outside Myself

Self-centeredness is the common flaw we all share. Each of us has our own problems and sins to deal with, but we are all selfish. I would like to think it wasn't true in my case, but I'd be lying to myself. In my current state of mind, it's natural and seems like self-preservation to dwell on my feelings. I'm sharing them to hopefully help someone else as well, but I've been pretty focused on me. Today I realized that I am grateful that my worst problem is severe depression.

I was watching Joyce Meyer's "Enjoying Everyday Life" on TBN. She has been discussing how the church in America has gotten far away from Christ's original commands of loving each other and helping the poor and needy. She showed scenes from the garbage dump in Cambodia where hundreds of children live, scrounging for something they can clean up and sell for food. Even more heartbreaking were the statistics on just how huge the child sex trade is worldwide. 2 million children in India alone are exploited by sex traders or forced to be prostitutes just to survive. Dear God, who could do that to another human being, much less a child!

The Lord made sex to be a wonderful experience of love between two people who are committed to each other's happiness and well-being. Satan and man have twisted it into a means of control, profit and degradation. We have to fight this perversion of God's plan. I prayed about what I could do to help. While driving around, one of my favorite radio stations (Air1) mentioned that the band The Wrecking was proud to have one of their songs being used by a group called Love146. This group has rescued and given hope to children and teens who have been forced into this slavery. Hearing about this right after watching Joyce's show seemed like a clear direction to me. I plan to do my part to get the word out about this abhorrent practice. Join me in setting captives free in the name of Jesus. I have a link to the YouTube channel for Love146 on the left side of my page. Here is their homepage: http://love146.org/ and they also have a blog at http://love146.blogspot.com/. They have a list of 146 ways to help. Only 1 or 2 involve money. The rest are ways to get the message out. These evil people thrive like roaches in the dark places. Let's shine Christ's light on them and save as many of their victims as we can.

Be Sure to Leave a Comment!

If you visit my blog, I'd love to hear what you think. I'd also like my readers to share advice, stories and encouragement with each other. Just click the tiny "comments" link at the bottom of any post. Thanks for reading!

Chivalry is Not Dead

My darling 16-yr-old daughter may have a boyfriend on the horizon. Unlike the girls on most TV shows, she has never actively sought a boyfriend. She says she is having too much fun with her friends (girls AND guys) and has too much schoolwork to worry about it much. I'd like to think our parenting had something to do with her healthy attitude, but we owe much of it to her own levelheadedness, and a lot to God's anwers to prayer.

Anyway, the other day this boy who sits at their lunch table got up and went clear across the cafeteria to get her a chair without being asked. Then the last two days he has asked to carry her books to class. She said he is shy, but really nice. He's cute, too! (She showed me his pic in the yearbook.) I didn't know boys still asked girls if they could carry their books. I'm quite encouraged. Moms, if you worry about who your kids will end up with in life, and you want them to find a love of a lifetime, start praying NOW! I've been praying for my kids' spouses since they were born. In my youth I made some poor decisions, and had my share of heartbreak. I know I can't keep my kids from ever being hurt, but I can pray that at least they will have a trustworthy, like-minded companion to be with them through it all. Drama is way overrated. I am so glad to have been with Brian for the last 17 years. We've known each other for 31 years, and we have more fun now than ever. There's a lot to be said for really KNOWING someone, warts and all. And for letting them know you, and accept you anyway. Isn't that what we all want? If you don't currently have a human being in your life to give you that kind of acceptance, please know that the Lord knows every intimate detail of your life and thoughts, and He loves you anyway! He will accept you if you turn to Him. If anything about you needs fixing, He will take care of it in His own time if you let Him. The important part is just giving yourself to Him. He'll do the rest.

Anxiety, Depression and Insomnia...Oh, My!

It's 1 am and I am tired. But I'm not sleepy. I lay there squeezing my eyes shut, willing myself to sleep, but it doesn't work that way. So here I am instead, typing away for myself. Blogs are touted as communication tools. Ultimately they're self centered and motivated by the need to express, not necessarily to share, your thoughts. It feels like communication. Unless someone reads and responds, though, it's a lonely business. Anxiety and depression have been my companions for lo! these many years. I have always leaned on God's strength and the love of my family to help me cope. Lately, though, my coping mechanisms have failed me. I can see, logically, that I am not a failure, hated by all. That doesn't make the feelings go away. The panic, the dread, the jibbering coward curled up somewhere near my stomach...these are all very real to me. The Lord who created me in His image, who did not give me a spirit of fear but of love and of a sound mind, is even more real to me. I see Him as if I am looking up from under the water in a deep well. (Think, "The Ring") I know He's there, but I feel far away from Him. He said, "Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you." I want to curl up in His lap and never leave. In the words of the band Benjamin Gate, "Oh hold me and heal me. Keep my heart in Your hand."

People who feel the Bible is not relevant for their lives today have truly not read it. The book of Lamentations Ecclesiastes is so encouraging to me sometimes. (Sorry it was 1 in the morning. I went to read it this morning and had to come correct this). If you've read it, you may think that's a strange statement, but bear with me. King Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived, because he asked God for wisdom. As wise as he was, he was still a very powerful king and had at his disposal riches and power like none of us could dream of having. He tried everything. He decided he was going to live life for all it was worth. He had over a thousand wives, drank, gambled, fought...you name it. In the end, can you imagine what he found? He decided that there is nothing new under the sun, and everything was pointless without God at the center of it. He was depressed. If this great man of God, the one appointed to build the Temple, lost hope at times; why should I feel like a failure because I have, too? I have been over-stressed for a long period of time, and my endorphins have crashed to zilch. I am out of balance, and my mind is sunk in a dark place. I haven't lost faith that God can heal. But I'm not sure I will be able to do the right things to help myself. Of course, that may be the point. There are times we need to take up our beds and walk. Then there are times to be still and know that He is God. God, right now I am floundering. I keep trying to think in the same terms of things I'd like to accomplish and what I "should" do. Help me to become a child again for a while and wait for You to heal my heart and mind, then show me what You want me to do next. I will stand quietly for You are the Lord.

"A Double Minded Man..."

"A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." James 1:8

James was writing about those who can't decide where their allegiance lies-with the Lord or satan. This verse is appropriate for other areas of our lives as well.

I've always had difficulty making up my mind. Once I have finally made a firm decision the thing gets done despite all obstacles. The decision making process itself is what stymies me. It's too easy for me to see all sides and possibilities. Just looking at pros and cons is not very helpful unless you first have a set of priorities to measure them against.

I have a stated set of priorities, but I allow my emotions of the moment to make me short-sighted. On sober reflection I realize the "decision" isn't best in the long-term, so I make a new decision. Even though I know that decision is the right one, it may not comfortable in the short-term so I keep waffling. I'm thankful my lack of resolve isn't as public as Brett Favre's, but it's no less uproarious for me and my family.

And So It Begins

So something snapped when I turned 40, and it wasn't my bra strap. I looked back at the plans I had for myself when I was my children's age, and it occurred to me how I had consistently chosen forks in the road that led me AWAY from my dreams instead of toward them. I was going to set the world on fire with my prose and my singing voice. What I did was marry young, drop out of college and spend a number of years in underachiever mode. I took jobs that did not require me to grow so I could "concentrate on my writing." I did a lot of journaling about how miserable I was, but didn't write  much of value to anyone else. I have spent most of my adult life beneath the poverty line because I was so dissatisfied with myself I changed jobs often, looking for fulfillment from outside myself. After my marriage ended, I spent a year doing many, many things I swore I would never do. God never let me go, though. He was calling to me in that still, small voice that is impossible to ignore. When I turned back to Him, He brought me a wonderful husband and two children with whom I am well pleased. Things are never perfect when you are prone to depression, but I have a great life. My kids, ages 16 and 14 are exploring what they want to do when they grow up. I am, too. I still feel like I am ready to start my life any day now, if that makes sense. Part of that may be that this world is not my home, and every time I watch the news, I am more hopeful of Christ's imminent return. Mostly, though, I know that my purpose has not yet been fulfilled. I have yet to "sing my song" as some people put it. I don't want to die with the music still inside. The advent of blogging seems custom made for folks like me. I hope that the things I have learned, the stuff I make up, and the feelings I share will encourage, entertain and touch many.
Please feel free to comment on what you read here. Please keep it clean and respectful, even when you disagree. A lively exchange of ideas can be a lot of fun, but only when all the participants feel welcome and valued. (read my posting rules here)