On the Edge Peeking Over

The sheer magnificence of our God and His creation can sometimes take my breath away. I don't know if 2010 will be the year of Christ's return, but I want to live as if it is. This body, this mind, my family, my home, this opportunity to pursue the desire of my heart...all these things show me His love for me. Not His love for all humanity, but just for me. Like an ardent lover He woos us individually with special sights, like this rainbow; with small answered prayers that no one else would even care to hear about; with gentle comfort in sadness. He deserves our worship and awe, but He desires our love. Make this the year you turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full on His wonderful face. Make this the year you fall in love with the Lover of your soul.

The Original AVATAR

My family and I went to see the much-hyped James Cameron movie "Avatar." It was beautiful, and contained many not-so-subtle moral lessons. I am second to none in my realization that sometimes nations and men are blinded by their purpose and stomp all over anyone who gets in their way. It is tragic and un-Christian. However, to continually beat ourselves over the head with the perceived guilt of our forbears serves little purpose. That is also un-Christian. Jesus, the original Avatar, taught us to forgive others and ourselves. We cannot go forward with any real integrity unless we are able to leave the past in the past. What has been done cannot be changed with any number of belated apologies or entitlements.

Jesus came to Earth to free us from this kind of insidious manipulation by the enemy. Satan wants us to remain captive to our insecurity, greed, lust and fear. If we can look at our mistakes and sins without rationalizing, and without self-flagellation, then give them to the One Who has already cast them into the sea of forgetfulness, we can finally learn to walk free like He did.

The God Who was and is and is to come, poured Himself into His creation. He designed this beautiful world with us in mind. He could have made it any way He pleased, but He made it to please us. He gave us senses and emotions to truly enjoy the works of His hands. Like a lover who wants to give everything He is to the one He loves, God waits to see your reaction. Will you acknowledge His love and sacrifice? When it became clear that we would tend to get caught up in ourselves and wander from His beautiful plan for us, He, Himself, came down in the form of one of us. Like the avatars in the movie, He wanted to experience life the way we do. He wanted to relate to us and have us relate to Him. It's easier to understand Him as Jesus, the man, because we are human. We have never been omnipotent gods, and could not always grasp what He wanted us to know. He came in human form to get closer to us, and allow us to get closer to Him. What a great God we have.

The Evils of Procrastination: or The Story of My Life

I cannot tell a lie. I am a procrastinator extraordinaire. Ask my husband. Heck, ask Mama. It's one of my besetting sins. I have known for a while that I sabotage myself in a lot of sneaky little ways. Procrastination is one of them. If I can't do something perfectly, or I'm afraid I can't do it well, I just put it off until it is a non-issue or until I can further hate myself over the whole thing. My therapist and I have talked at length about my self-loathing. I feel like I have to show everybody just how flawed I am, even myself. I thought I was out on a limb with this weird behavior until I read this post from a FlyLady fan. It helped me realize how destructive my procrastination has been to me and those I love. It keeps me at arms length from everyone because I am always either having to finish up what should have already been done, letting them down because I didn't keep a promise, or making me hide because I didn't measure up...AGAIN.

The Lord is my life and my salvation. Whom then shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid?

I am not afraid to share these feelings with you, readers, because I believe I am not alone in this self-loathing. I believe it is becoming more and more part of the human condition. As we see  people debase themselves on TV just for money or fame; as we hear of people doing horrible demeaning things to their own children who trusted them; as we get closer to being animals and farther away from being God's children we take this horror into ourselves even when we are not the perpetrators. Pray with me that we can see ourselves as the Lord sees us...covered in His Son's blood and beautiful. We are beloved children for whom He created an entire world of wonder. He loves us so much and wants us to love Him back. But how can we when we feel failed and unlovable? Whole websites are devoted to watching people fail and hurt themselves (failblog.com). Whole websites are devoted to mocking and ridiculing people caught in embarrassing moments when maybe they felt down on themselves and didn't bother to dress up to go to the store (peopleofwalmart.com). Granted, some of those people really should have looked in a mirror, but still... This constant stream of tearing one another down only tears us down as well. Let's reach for something higher. Let's follow Abraham Lincoln's motto, "If you look for the good in people, you will find it." In doing so, we can find the good in ourselves and see what it is that God loves us for.

A Little Less of Me

Hello everybody! I have not been a perfect angel with my eating and exercise plan this week, but I have made improvements. More water, more veggies. Cut waaaaay back on the sugar and starch. While a lot of it is probably water, I have lost 5 pounds this week (10 in the last two weeks) Yea!

Weight: 289.2
Bust: 52.25
Midriff: 50.5
Waist: 52.75
Hips: 59.25

Here is a list of the supplements I am taking. To kick things off, I have begun an intestinal cleansing program. It's mostly fiber with some herbs that assist your body to get rid of excess waste from your digestive tract, liver and kidneys. The brand I'm using is Yerba Prima. It's very important to have regular elimination.
Cod Liver Oil gel tablet (1/day)
5-HTP (2- twice/day) It's the precursor to seratonin, which is a brain chemical that helps improve your sleep, mood and appetite.
B-Complex Sublingual Liquid (Supports the nervous system to ease stress so you don't produce too much cortisol which causes midsection weight gain).
Echinacea Tea (1-2 cups to support the immune system and hold off colds).
A good multivitamin of your choice. I use the WM brand of 1-a-Day's weight loss vitamin.

My first goal is to get below 250 pounds by my birthday in April. Studies show that when weight loss is slow and steady you have a better chance of keeping it off. Changing habits is much more effective than going on a restrictive diet.

I hope anyone who is also making changes will leave comments so we can encourage each other and share successes!