Partly Gripy with a Chance of Silver Lining

I used to be such a positive person. I shall not lay the blame at any person or company's door, but the last six months have left me despondent, downtrodden, sickly and hopeless at times. I know in my spirit and in my head that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you choose to do with it. Well, I am so tired of trying to make lemonade out of lemons that I sometimes just lie here. My health has greatly deteriorated. My doctor now has me on antibiotics, Enablex, a stool softener, and straight progesterone besides my blood pressure pills and vitamins. I don't feel like eating a lot of the time, because my bowels are so irregular I am just nauseated. I had an ultrasound yesterday. I don't remember ever being in pain throughout an ultrsound. Everything from my navel to the tops of my thighs is tender, front and back. If you are a praying person, please pray for my health, and mostly for my attitude to line back up with God's perspective. The upside of this (giggle, snort) is that when I do eat, I have been craving fruit, runny eggs, juice, juicy meat, soup, fresh tomatoes...just the kind of stuff I should be eating. And I have been eating a whole lot less of it. Thus, the following results in a relatively short amount of time. If this is the Lord's way of getting my rebelliousness out of the way, then thank You, Jesus. Either way, I pray that when I am feeling better I can continue on this new fresh, healthy food diet and add some exercise.

Current weight: 274 (loss of 20 pounds since Nov 30, 30 pounds since Halloween)
Midriff: 48" (loss of 5.5")
Bust: 50.5" (loss of 1.75")
Waist: 51.5" (loss of 3.5")
Hips: 56.25" (loss of 3")

Another Day, Another Battle

Depression seems to be a never ending battle. Like the hydra in Greek mythology, you take off one of its ugly heads and it comes back double. I count my blessings, of which there are many. I contemplate the goodness of God. I take my 5HTP (sort of) regularly. Yet, I have days, sometimes a few together, where life just seems like a never ending travelogue with stops at all my failures and shortcomings.

We all make mistakes. We all fall short of the glory of God, and of what we expect of ourselves. Most of the time I know that the Lord holds none of my past against me, because He extended his forgiveness when I asked. He has promised it is so. Of course the enemy keeps a list. And our own subconscious minds don't forget anything. So I gang up on myself sometimes and get the living daylights beat out of me. I have to remember that my expectations tend to be ridiculously high, so when I don't meet them it's probably not as bad as it seems. I should focus on what I have accomplished rather than what I haven't. That isn't easy for someone like me, but I'll try again. I'm feeling better today than I have for a few days. The coughing and other health issues have not helped my outlook, but I refuse to stay down forever.

If you have gone through depression, or are walking through that valley now, just know that you are not alone. This, too, shall pass. Wake up every morning and know that God has great plans for you today if you can stop looking inward long enough to see them.

My next post will be about the giveaway in April. Nothing big, just an appreciation drawing. The contest is open to everyone who has and will sign up to follow my blog between now and April 15.

"Before" Pictures

Okay I am a couple days late posting this. I didn't realize how much I dreaded taking pictures of myself designed specifically to show off my size. According to Bodybuilding.com, posting these pictures and my goals makes it 300% more likely that I will succeed. Anyone who is going on this journey with me, I encourage you to post pics of your own. I have an account at http://www.atkins.com/ and at http://www.bodybuilding.com/. These sites have tools, encouragement and forums to talk to folks going through the same thing. Any journey is easier and more fun with friends! So, check out my pictures. I will post progress pictures here and on the other two sites, as well as how I am following the plan, among other things. Comment, sign up to follow my blog, email me...Post your own successes! I really appreciate those of you who read my blog. I will announce a giveaway soon, to coincide with my birthday in April. Check back here often and tell your friends!