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I cannot tell a lie. I am a procrastinator extraordinaire. Ask my husband. Heck, ask Mama. It's one of my besetting sins. I have known for a while that I sabotage myself in a lot of sneaky little ways. Procrastination is one of them. If I can't do something perfectly, or I'm afraid I can't do it well, I just put it off until it is a non-issue or until I can further hate myself over the whole thing. My therapist and I have talked at length about my self-loathing. I feel like I have to show everybody just how flawed I am, even myself. I thought I was out on a limb with this weird behavior until I read this post from a FlyLady fan. It helped me realize how destructive my procrastination has been to me and those I love. It keeps me at arms length from everyone because I am always either having to finish up what should have already been done, letting them down because I didn't keep a promise, or making me hide because I didn't measure up...AGAIN.
The Lord is my life and my salvation. Whom then shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid?
I am not afraid to share these feelings with you, readers, because I believe I am not alone in this self-loathing. I believe it is becoming more and more part of the human condition. As we see people debase themselves on TV just for money or fame; as we hear of people doing horrible demeaning things to their own children who trusted them; as we get closer to being animals and farther away from being God's children we take this horror into ourselves even when we are not the perpetrators. Pray with me that we can see ourselves as the Lord sees us...covered in His Son's blood and beautiful. We are beloved children for whom He created an entire world of wonder. He loves us so much and wants us to love Him back. But how can we when we feel failed and unlovable? Whole websites are devoted to watching people fail and hurt themselves (failblog.com). Whole websites are devoted to mocking and ridiculing people caught in embarrassing moments when maybe they felt down on themselves and didn't bother to dress up to go to the store (peopleofwalmart.com). Granted, some of those people really should have looked in a mirror, but still... This constant stream of tearing one another down only tears us down as well. Let's reach for something higher. Let's follow Abraham Lincoln's motto, "If you look for the good in people, you will find it." In doing so, we can find the good in ourselves and see what it is that God loves us for.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Sunday, December 06, 2009
A Little Less of Me
Hello everybody! I have not been a perfect angel with my eating and exercise plan this week, but I have made improvements. More water, more veggies. Cut waaaaay back on the sugar and starch. While a lot of it is probably water, I have lost 5 pounds this week (10 in the last two weeks) Yea!
Weight: 289.2
Bust: 52.25
Midriff: 50.5
Waist: 52.75
Hips: 59.25
Here is a list of the supplements I am taking. To kick things off, I have begun an intestinal cleansing program. It's mostly fiber with some herbs that assist your body to get rid of excess waste from your digestive tract, liver and kidneys. The brand I'm using is Yerba Prima. It's very important to have regular elimination.
Cod Liver Oil gel tablet (1/day)
5-HTP (2- twice/day) It's the precursor to seratonin, which is a brain chemical that helps improve your sleep, mood and appetite.
B-Complex Sublingual Liquid (Supports the nervous system to ease stress so you don't produce too much cortisol which causes midsection weight gain).
Echinacea Tea (1-2 cups to support the immune system and hold off colds).
A good multivitamin of your choice. I use the WM brand of 1-a-Day's weight loss vitamin.
My first goal is to get below 250 pounds by my birthday in April. Studies show that when weight loss is slow and steady you have a better chance of keeping it off. Changing habits is much more effective than going on a restrictive diet.
I hope anyone who is also making changes will leave comments so we can encourage each other and share successes!
Weight: 289.2
Bust: 52.25
Midriff: 50.5
Waist: 52.75
Hips: 59.25
Here is a list of the supplements I am taking. To kick things off, I have begun an intestinal cleansing program. It's mostly fiber with some herbs that assist your body to get rid of excess waste from your digestive tract, liver and kidneys. The brand I'm using is Yerba Prima. It's very important to have regular elimination.
Cod Liver Oil gel tablet (1/day)
5-HTP (2- twice/day) It's the precursor to seratonin, which is a brain chemical that helps improve your sleep, mood and appetite.
B-Complex Sublingual Liquid (Supports the nervous system to ease stress so you don't produce too much cortisol which causes midsection weight gain).
Echinacea Tea (1-2 cups to support the immune system and hold off colds).
A good multivitamin of your choice. I use the WM brand of 1-a-Day's weight loss vitamin.
My first goal is to get below 250 pounds by my birthday in April. Studies show that when weight loss is slow and steady you have a better chance of keeping it off. Changing habits is much more effective than going on a restrictive diet.
I hope anyone who is also making changes will leave comments so we can encourage each other and share successes!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tree the Health Nut
Hi, everybody! I've decided I'm not going to wait for New Year's to begin working on my health. Not my weight--my health. I'm never going to be a 21 yr old pole dancer. However, I can be a healthy 40 something with many years left in which to be attractive and busy and have a lot of fun. I stated on Facebook that I would post my beginning stats and before pics. I haven't got the pics taken yet, but here is the lowdown on my size and health.
Weight: 294.0
Bust: 52.25
Midriff: 53.5
Waist: 55.0
Hips/Abdomen: 59.25
Current health issues: depression, inner ear balance problem, thinning hair, sinusitis, water retention (on meds), dry flaky patch on scalp, acne, hydradenitis supparativa (underarm cysts), constipation, occasional urinary incontinence and fatigue. My blood pressure has normalized, I rarely have headaches and my stress level is better since I have been on leave of absence from work and had a few months of counseling. This may be too much information, but I feel that if I can help someone else who is suffering in silence the way I have for years, my slight embarrassment is totally worth it.
Here's the Plan
There is no magic involved. No weird concoctions to drink. This is all common sense that has nothing to do with pharmaceuticals, extreme food manipulation or expensive fake meals on wheels. Basically, just make sure that MOST of the time (like 90%) you eat foods that still resemble their original state. Raw or lightly steamed/stir fried vegetables; raw or lightly stewed fruits; fresh, lean meats without breading or nitrates (in other words not in the form of beef fingers or processed lunch slices); whole grains. No cheap white bread, noodles or white rice; if you want bread, choose only high fiber whole grain bread. A good way to get veggies is to drink V8 juices. That's two servings of veg in one serving of drink!
Speaking of drink, no sodas; not even diet. I'm convinced that many of my imbalances may have originated from my Pepsi addiction. The constant flow of corn syrup, acid and caffeine can't have been good for me. Diet drinks have artifical sweeteners, many of which are questionable if not downright dangerous (see http://www.sweetpoison.com/). If I want something sweet, I will eat fruit or use REAL sugar (brown, honey, molasses, etc). I am convinced that concentrating on consuming foods that were created by God, as close to the way He put them on the planet as possible, I will improve my health in a dramatic way. That's why I am documenting this publicly. I am making myself a guinea pig for all the common sense I have read and known to be true, but never had the courage to really try before. If I can do it, anyone can. I am the most rebellious, self centered, comfort loving person I know. I want what I want when I want it. It's my biggest battle. But I know that the future I want can't happen if I continue in this downward health spiral. Besides the health, I want to look good, too! And I want to help my children establish good habits now, so they don't have to fight the same battles I have with self esteem and anxiety.
Here are some things to keep in mind
*Fruit digests quickly, so it should be eaten on an empty stomach to avoid fermentation and gas. After about 20 minutes, you can eat other foods because the fruit will have passed on into the intestine by then.
*If raw veggies give you painful gas, eat them lightly steamed or pickled. Fermented foods like pickle, saurkraut and kim chee can be eaten at the beginning of your meal to give your digestive system some help with the process.
*Eat enough! Don't eat until you're stuffed, but eat enough. This kind of eating feels different at the end of the meal than burgers and fries or pizza. You won't feel bloated, so you will feel weird and like you need more even if you're not hungry. Blog about it, pray about it, sit and contemplate it, but don't eat more just to get that familiar stuffed feeling.
*You aren't depriving yourself, you are loving yourself by eating the things your body was designed to run on. I know this is in every diet book ever written, but it's true. You are doing something nice for you! Remember that.
Weight: 294.0
Bust: 52.25
Midriff: 53.5
Waist: 55.0
Hips/Abdomen: 59.25
Current health issues: depression, inner ear balance problem, thinning hair, sinusitis, water retention (on meds), dry flaky patch on scalp, acne, hydradenitis supparativa (underarm cysts), constipation, occasional urinary incontinence and fatigue. My blood pressure has normalized, I rarely have headaches and my stress level is better since I have been on leave of absence from work and had a few months of counseling. This may be too much information, but I feel that if I can help someone else who is suffering in silence the way I have for years, my slight embarrassment is totally worth it.
Here's the Plan
There is no magic involved. No weird concoctions to drink. This is all common sense that has nothing to do with pharmaceuticals, extreme food manipulation or expensive fake meals on wheels. Basically, just make sure that MOST of the time (like 90%) you eat foods that still resemble their original state. Raw or lightly steamed/stir fried vegetables; raw or lightly stewed fruits; fresh, lean meats without breading or nitrates (in other words not in the form of beef fingers or processed lunch slices); whole grains. No cheap white bread, noodles or white rice; if you want bread, choose only high fiber whole grain bread. A good way to get veggies is to drink V8 juices. That's two servings of veg in one serving of drink!
Speaking of drink, no sodas; not even diet. I'm convinced that many of my imbalances may have originated from my Pepsi addiction. The constant flow of corn syrup, acid and caffeine can't have been good for me. Diet drinks have artifical sweeteners, many of which are questionable if not downright dangerous (see http://www.sweetpoison.com/). If I want something sweet, I will eat fruit or use REAL sugar (brown, honey, molasses, etc). I am convinced that concentrating on consuming foods that were created by God, as close to the way He put them on the planet as possible, I will improve my health in a dramatic way. That's why I am documenting this publicly. I am making myself a guinea pig for all the common sense I have read and known to be true, but never had the courage to really try before. If I can do it, anyone can. I am the most rebellious, self centered, comfort loving person I know. I want what I want when I want it. It's my biggest battle. But I know that the future I want can't happen if I continue in this downward health spiral. Besides the health, I want to look good, too! And I want to help my children establish good habits now, so they don't have to fight the same battles I have with self esteem and anxiety.
Here are some things to keep in mind
*Fruit digests quickly, so it should be eaten on an empty stomach to avoid fermentation and gas. After about 20 minutes, you can eat other foods because the fruit will have passed on into the intestine by then.
*If raw veggies give you painful gas, eat them lightly steamed or pickled. Fermented foods like pickle, saurkraut and kim chee can be eaten at the beginning of your meal to give your digestive system some help with the process.
*Eat enough! Don't eat until you're stuffed, but eat enough. This kind of eating feels different at the end of the meal than burgers and fries or pizza. You won't feel bloated, so you will feel weird and like you need more even if you're not hungry. Blog about it, pray about it, sit and contemplate it, but don't eat more just to get that familiar stuffed feeling.
*You aren't depriving yourself, you are loving yourself by eating the things your body was designed to run on. I know this is in every diet book ever written, but it's true. You are doing something nice for you! Remember that.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
On a More Positive Note
I am soooooo excited! I have discovered a great motivating tool to get my novel written. Okay. One of the novels that have been percolating in my fevered brain for years. November is National Novel Writing Month! There's an official website and everything (http://www.nanowrimo.org/). I have signed up and have managed to post around 16,000 words so far. The goal is to write 50,000 words in 30 days. Can I do it? Well, considering that the daily goal is 1667 words per day (about 8-9 pages), I think I can. I am really looking forward to being able to type "The End" and really mean it. You're not allowed to edit, you just get the first draft down as quickly and as best you can. According to the site, "December is for editing." Regardless of how much rewriting I may have to do, I am planning to get my first draft done by November 30. Wish me luck! In fact, go try it yourselves and have fun whether you finish or not! :)
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Historic Doesn't Mean Good
I have been listening to the debate on the House floor regarding the Pelosi health care bill. Those in favor of it keep saying, "We have a chance to do something historic..." I would just like to say that Hitler did lots of historic things, few of them good. Napoleon did some good historic things and some heinous historic things. Wanting to be part of something historic, changing things for change's sake, is not a good reason to ram through a thoroughly unpopular bill that will limit the freedoms of the America people. Some of the arguments on the Democrat side were sob stories about how people have to fight with their insurance companies over uncovered conditions. I cannot believe that any government run insurance program is going to cover even as much as the worst private insurance company out there. The programs they currently run are rife with corruption that goes undiscovered and costs the public billions. I don't want to trust my life or the lives of my children to the federal government. Do you?
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