On the Edge Peeking Over

The sheer magnificence of our God and His creation can sometimes take my breath away. I don't know if 2010 will be the year of Christ's return, but I want to live as if it is. This body, this mind, my family, my home, this opportunity to pursue the desire of my heart...all these things show me His love for me. Not His love for all humanity, but just for me. Like an ardent lover He woos us individually with special sights, like this rainbow; with small answered prayers that no one else would even care to hear about; with gentle comfort in sadness. He deserves our worship and awe, but He desires our love. Make this the year you turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full on His wonderful face. Make this the year you fall in love with the Lover of your soul.

And So It Begins

So something snapped when I turned 40, and it wasn't my bra strap. I looked back at the plans I had for myself when I was my children's age, and it occurred to me how I had consistently chosen forks in the road that led me AWAY from my dreams instead of toward them. I was going to set the world on fire with my prose and my singing voice. What I did was marry young, drop out of college and spend a number of years in underachiever mode. I took jobs that did not require me to grow so I could "concentrate on my writing." I did a lot of journaling about how miserable I was, but didn't write  much of value to anyone else. I have spent most of my adult life beneath the poverty line because I was so dissatisfied with myself I changed jobs often, looking for fulfillment from outside myself. After my marriage ended, I spent a year doing many, many things I swore I would never do. God never let me go, though. He was calling to me in that still, small voice that is impossible to ignore. When I turned back to Him, He brought me a wonderful husband and two children with whom I am well pleased. Things are never perfect when you are prone to depression, but I have a great life. My kids, ages 16 and 14 are exploring what they want to do when they grow up. I am, too. I still feel like I am ready to start my life any day now, if that makes sense. Part of that may be that this world is not my home, and every time I watch the news, I am more hopeful of Christ's imminent return. Mostly, though, I know that my purpose has not yet been fulfilled. I have yet to "sing my song" as some people put it. I don't want to die with the music still inside. The advent of blogging seems custom made for folks like me. I hope that the things I have learned, the stuff I make up, and the feelings I share will encourage, entertain and touch many.
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